Everything is Awesome in America

A thing happened yesterday. As I was scrolling though Facebook, I saw a comment regarding gender inequality and racism in America. This gentleman said that women and minorities “have it way better than they did 50 years ago” and that gender and race issues just don’t exist today. Now, I should really know better by now than to argue with people who subscribe to this kind of warped thinking. Nothing I say will convince them that just because slavery is illegal, and women and African Americans can vote, doesn’t mean things are OK. It doesn’t mean we’re done.

I made a comment anyway. What happened next was a series of insane, irrelevant gaslighting tactics that left me angry, and quite honestly, baffled. I had about 5 different people rapid fire commenting, antagonizing, and jonesing for a response. They pounced like greedy, wild eyed trolls, out for blood. When my initial irritation (turned anger) dissipated, I realized, “fuck this”. This kind of interaction will result in nothing but a waste of my time, which is too limited and precious as it is. I mean, these people were talking about finance, how wonderful their family is at their jobs, and how democrats are “intellectually bankrupt”, and not one of them addressed the fact that racism is still a very prevalent factor in this country. Ultimately, I decided to let them know that I would not be attempting to debate 5 different people (none of whom I even know, though my father somehow does) who weren’t interested in hearing what I had to say anyway. I was told it was preferable that if I am “unable to engage and defend” my views, that I should “refrain from injecting comments in the first place”. To be clear, I am not unable, I was just unwilling. There was no reason to waste my time, and allow multiple people to try to tear me down by not even addressing my original concern; racism. To claim that racism is just “alternative facts” or “made up by the democrats” is completely insane.

Some facts (that they so desperately wanted to debate) are that African Americans are 2X as likely to be unemployed than whites, or that Black students are 3X more likely than White students to be suspended for the SAME INFRACTIONS. Or, that Blacks make up 13% of the population, but 40% of the prison population because White people are 20% less likely to be sentenced jail time and even when they are, serve shorter sentences for similar crimes. Blacks are almost twice as likely to be pulled over as whites, and more likely to be searched following the stop. The list of proof goes on and on and on.

Racism is ALIVE AND WELL in America, and older White dudes who pretend it’s “alternative facts”, instead of recognizing the systemic injustice of our society are not worth my time. No one cares that you were “team quarterback” 40 years ago if you are an ego inflated twit now.

Bath time for the children...more later on how awesome it is to be a woman.

Haters gonna hate.

I'm a believer in knowledge.  It's kind of a hobby of mine to learn things, research things I'd like to understand better.  Knowledge is power.  When you are pursuing a degree, you study the subject matter.  When people are diagnosed with an illness, they look into causes, and cures.  People research where to take vacations, who the best doctor is in their area, how to crochet!  So, it's only natural that when a problem presented itself in my life, and left me baffled and speechless (and angry and sad) I decided to arm myself by trying to understand the why.  It won't solve the problem, it won't change the people that could desperately use the change, but it WILL make me feel proactive.  It will keep me from over thinking things and doubting myself.
So, one thing I have learned is that in Africa it is common for psychologists to assess people in terms of physical age (number of birthdays celebrated) AS WELL AS emotional age.  This article goes on to list 10 signs of  emotional immaturity in "adults".   It helped to read, a little.  Knowing that some people just make up lies about you because they are emotionally stunted, doesn't really take the sting out, but I guess it confirms that it is their issue, not mine.  Just like knowing that people gossip to feel superior, or for attention, doesn't make it okay, it still validates that no matter how much I care or give to others, sometimes it will go unappreciated.  Sometimes you have to look for a silver lining.  Sometimes people can really disappoint you, but this has all made me appreciate the stable people in my life.  My goal is to make it a point to let them all know in one way or another over the next few months.  The people that value you, that lift you up, and make life brighter are the ones to focus on.  Those are the ones to seek out.  I'm so fortunate to have so many people in my life that recognize my worth, my passion, my kind heart.  Those people make you strong.  They are a life raft, a strip of land on the horizon, when you are drowning.  The right people can make you feel invincible when others want to break you down.  So...despite their efforts, I.  will.  not.  break.


side note:  if people or life is getting you down, listen to this.  It's my current anthem.

Never Again?

I recently visited Barnes and Noble to peruse some new reading material.  I have a bit of a "problem" when it comes to reading, and left with six books.  Two of them, I had in mind when I walked in, the other four I spotted on various tables and couldn't leave without.  I love reading, getting sucked into another world, and forming relationships with the characters.  A good book is entertaining, a great book makes you feel.  And some books, they can ignite a fire in you.  The Tattooist of Auschwitz, by Heather Morris, is one of those books.

I, like most American High Schoolers, learned about the Holocaust during one of my Social Studies classes.  The sad truth is I couldn't tell you what year, or what the course even covered.  I don't feel that most children that age are yet capable of really understanding or processing the gravity of what occurred during that horrifying time.  I wasn't.  After I graduated undergrad, I worked as a long term substitute assistant teacher in a Social Studies class.  The teacher taught a 3 week lesson on the Holocaust each year.  It was then, at 22 or 23 years old, the I really learned and processed what happened.  I was floored.  I developed a slight obsession with learning all I could, reading every book I could get my hands on, in a failed attempt to understand how the Holocaust could have happened.

The Tattooist of Auschwitz kind of reignited that fire.  I cried so many times reading it.  I cried giving a synopsis of it to some of my employees.  I'm trying not to cry right now as I type this.  To read personal stories of real survivors, to read their horror of not only their bleak situation, but of how stunned they were when children, babies, started coming to the camps - I can't even put emotion into words.  I won't even try.  It is truly unfathomable. My purpose for even writing an entry on this, is the fact that after it was over, after the survivors went home, there was a general "Never Again" credo.  We can never again let something like this occur, except we have.  Hugo Schiller, a Holocaust survivor living in Florida says this:

"We haven't learned very much.  And certainly we have had our Rwanda's after this where people were killed just because of who they are...There's always hope but so far we haven't evolved since the time of the Holocaust."

Other survivors wonder what will happen when there are no survivors left to tell their stories. A recent study has these horrible findings:

• 66% of millennials did not know what Auschwitz was.
• 11% of US adults and 22% of millennials said they either hadn't heard of or were not sure whether they had heard of the Holocaust.
• 31% of adults and 41% of millennials believe — incorrectly — that 2 million Jews or fewer were killed during the Holocaust. The number most frequently cited is 6 million, but the actual number is almost certainly higher.
• While 84% of adults knew the Holocaust happened in Germany, only 37% knew it occurred in Poland, only 6% knew it occurred in Latvia, and only 5% knew it occurred in Estonia and Lithuania. 

Right now my children are too young to learn about the holocaust, so I'm not sure what the school lessons are like, what they cover, what they don't.  What I do know, is that if 66% of millennials don't even know what Auschwitz was, then it's not enough.  I'm not going to put it all on the schools either.  Parents have an obligation to raise their children to be aware, be kind, and to do what is RIGHT.  How can the future generations stop something terrible form happening again if they are unaware that it even happened in the first place?  The survivors will one day be gone, but their stories need to be told.  Forever.  Children are not born bigots.  They are not born racist.  They are not born assholes.  They learn it.  They learn it from their parents.  If you are a parent that says your kid learned it from "a friend" or "at school" or "on tv", than you are still failing at not correcting those behaviors and shortcomings.  We have to do better.  Let the Holocaust, in all its unnecessary violence and hatred, be a lesson that we can learn and grow from.  Stop hating people simply for what they are. Please, do better for your children, and our children's children.  Do better.

Don't stop searching until you find them

I have made some absolutely wonderful friends over the course of my life.  Some individual friends, some parts of groups that did everything together.   Friendship and Loyalty have always been a central, defining, idea in my life.  I cherish my friends and many of them I consider family, but one thing I never had in my teens, or even 20's, was a tribe.  A group of "girlfriends".  A group of women that support each other and lift each other up, that were all friends.  It took many years, many moves, ultimately across the county, but I've found them.  It started small, and seems to have grown every year :) but isn't that fabulous?  Finding more and more women to fit, like puzzle pieces, into each other's lives?!?

After some serious reflection on these women, and the parts they each play in my life, (and one slightly horrifying moment where I realized one of them is the same amount of years older than my daughter, as I am older then her) it occurred to me that possibly the reason we work IS the age range between all of us.  We range from 23-38 years old. Some of us are married, some engaged, some dating, some single.  Some of us have children.  Some of us own our homes, some rent, some live at home with their parents.  I think we each offer a unique perspective on life, given where we are at in our own, that adds to the richness and balance of the group.

Women can be catty, petty, manipulative and downright mean.  It's a fact.  Some people are just assholes.  The first step in finding good, decent people to befriend, is being one yourself.  I am a true believer in attracting what you put out.  You want friends who aren't assholes?  Don't be an asshole.
The best part about these women who I am so fortunate to have found, is that I know that the true girlfriends I made before they came into my world would adore them too, and vice versa.  They'd open up their arms and treat them with love and respect.  There would be no guarded dispositions, no jealousy, no cattiness.  Just good people hanging with good people.  Are we perfect?  OF COURSE NOT.  No one is.  We all have our faults, as well as strengths, that make us who we are.  We are always learning and growing (often from each other), and adulting to the best of our abilities. Being Human. 

For a period of my life I had a dude tribe (still do, scattered as they may be), and I was the "momma hen" holding down the fort.  A tribe of ladies is a totally different ballgame, different vibe.  10 years ago, I couldn't have imagined finding this many women that all get along, like REALLY get along and love each other.  It was a foreign concept to me.  But here I am, living the tribe, the squad, the girl gang dream.  I literally couldn't imagine my life without them now.

Put out what you want to receive.  Don't be an asshole.   Don't stop searching until you find them.

They marched.

Some mornings I wake up and my head is already spinning with words I need to get out and I know that by the time I get a moment (my lunch break) I'll never remember everything I need to say.  Social Media is ruining me because there is so much hate and bullshit...the stupid memes about how "women's rights weren't taken away"  or "democrats should spend more time feeding the homeless and less time protesting", or "millennials are crybaby snowflakes" (that one is just old and played out at this point people".  And really, it's bullshit. I mean,

Something AMAZING happened this past weekend.  Millions...MILLIONS of men and women rallied and protested and people don't get it.  "What are they even protesting?" "They are a bunch of idiots"...or my personal favorite - "Republicans never protested/rioted after Obama was president, we were too busy working"..and if you really believe that, we've got bigger problems, b/c there were plenty of irate people out there rioted, beating people, making death threats etc.  But here is the difference...the people that were out there upset about Obama were upset b/c he was BLACK.  They lit nooses on fire and sprawled racist words on peoples houses and cars.  The people that were out on Saturday at the (many many many) Women's marches were doing so because we've elected a scumbag to be President.  These men and women marched b/c they know, and want their sons and daughters to know, that its not ok to grab women by the pussy, or kiss them whenever you want, or demand dinner be on the table, or get bored when a woman becomes successful, or mock the disabled, or call someone a derogatory name based on their ethnicity, or call women fat cows, or bitches.  Think about this:  Kids go to school. The teacher of the class is the person in charge, the role model.  How many of you would be ok if your child came home and said "My teacher says its ok to grab a girl by the pussy"?  or "My teacher called me Miss. Piggy" or "My teacher said we should have expected sexual harassment in the military", "My teacher said POW's are not war hero's", "My teacher said blacks are lazy"...I could go on and on.  We wouldn't allow a teacher to talk to his or her class like that, so why, WHY is it ok for the PRESIDENT OF THE WHOLE UNITED STATES???  And why do the folks who voted for him not get it?  You know he's said all of this and MORE...why are you ok with that.


The men and women who marched, marched because everyone in the LGBT community is a HUMAN just like you and they deserve the same rights as you.  They deserve to be treated like people, and they certainly deserve to have marital rights.

These people marched because a woman deserves to decided what is right for her body.  I know this is a touchy subject, abortion, but if you don't believe in them, you don't get them.  Leave everyone else alone.  Why should a woman who was raped be forced to have a child?  Why should a woman who is on birth control b/c she DOESN'T WANT A BABY YET be forced to have a child if she becomes pregnant?  Why should a women who doesn't have access to affordable birth control be forces to have a baby if she is not ready?  WHY is it the woman's responsibility to control all of this.  A man can get a woman pregnant and just leave...he can make the choice to not be a father, why is a woman not granted that same right?  A before you say "well, if she doesn't want to get pregnant, she shouldn't have sex", please think. Men can have sex and not worry about any of the repercussions, why is that alright with everyone?  What about married couples that don't want children...sorry no sex for you.  It makes no sense...

This march was about so much.  When the person in charge of the country says its ok to sexually assault women b/c you are rich, you don't just let that stand.  When he wants to take healthcare away from people who's lives depend on it, you don't let that stand.  When he cares more about media coverage and tweeting (horrible things about people), you don't just let it stand.  When he wants to take away the rights of women, and the LGBT community who are part of this great country he has inherited, you don't let it stand.  When he chooses people for his cabinet that are wildly unqualified, you don't let it stand...and so they marched.

When they go low...we go high.

It seemed like this was a test, with a really long wait time in between the retake.  And we flunked.  So now we have 4 years to study, learn, and try harder next time.  But when I read that Hillary will most likely take the popular vote, I have hope that this country isn't as screwed up as it would seem. So I had to take a deep breath, and remember that when they go low, we go high.  I urge you all to do the same.  Take a deep breath and decide how you will proceed over the next 4 years.  Decide what you can and will do to make sure this doesn't happen again.  We've elected a man who is on record saying racist, sexist things.  Bragging about sexually assaulting women.  Mocking people with disabilites. Saying we need to close our borders when our entire existence in America is built on immigrants.

What will you do about this?

I'm going to spend every second I have making sure my daughters know that those behaviors are NOT ACCEPTABLE.  I'll spend every second fighting any policy or policy change I don't agree with. Making sure we continue to make strides in marriage equality, race relations, and hopefully not backtracking our society into an early grave.  Focus on what you CAN do...

When they go low, we go high.

Try to remember that there are millions out there like us...that believe in a world where rape culture isn't propagated.  That believe that love is love.  That believe in helping people better themselves here.  That believe in women!  A woman's right to her body, her right to be paid the same as her male counterparts, her right to not have her pussy grabbed 'BECAUSE YOU FEEL LIKE IT'.  Educate your sons and daughters...please... on love and acceptance and respect.

When they go low, we go high.

Insults will get you no where... let your mind, your knowledge, help us get through this seemingly dark time.  Because the people that call you names for choosing a qualified candidate are not equipped to make a real change.  We are.  We are stronger together.  So help me, help each other, to not only get through this, but to make sure we don't let progress slip.  Be good to each other, love one another.  Love trumps hate.  always.

This world we live in

It's falling apart.  Have you noticed?  People can have their opinions on why, and how, it's happening, but the fact is it doesn't matter.  What matters is that it is happening, every day.  I've heard people say it's "the gays" bringing down the institution of marriage, that are the cause.  I've heard people say it's "the guns", "the minorities", "the millennials", "the homeless", "the liberals", "the conservatives", "the muslims", "the christians"... I'ts always "them".  The thing is we are all "them".  The one thing, the one constant thing, that is bringing us down is Hate.  

“Hate, it has caused a lot of problems in the world, but has not solved one yet.” 
―Maya Angelou

Everyone's head is so far up their own ass, that all they can do is place blame on whatever group of people they hate most for the world crashing down around us.  There is so much hatred in this country right now, and everyday there are physical acts of violence that prove it.  "United we stand, divided we fall"?  Has that ever been more true?  When will we realized that violence breeds violence, hate breeds hate; that you can't combat fire with fire?  

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." -------Martin Luther King, Jr.

This is no longer a strong nation.  We are crumbling, we are broken, and it's because we have become so full of anger, and revenge.  People are at their weakest when they are angry.  We've taken the easy way out, we no longer have what it takes to fight for our own country.  It's far easier to hate, than to love and forgive, and yet that is what we so desperately need right now.  We need compassion, we need understanding.  What we need (here is the ECE teacher in me) is for everyone to take a damn deep breath and focus.

“I will permit no man to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him.” 
―Booker T. Washington

I don't have a solution other than not going along for the ride down.  I won't spiral with the rest of you.  I know there is goodness left, even if we don't see it as much as the darkness.  I see it everyday, in my children, in the people I choose to surround myself with.  My goal is to educate my children, to fill them with enough love and compassion, and resilience to carry them through this world, to be better than we are now.  Kindness is an incredibly powerful tool, but right now so many people are refusing to use it.  We are deteriorating, and every hateful person, committing every hateful act are throwing fuel on this fire.  

“Spread love, joy and compassion because the world needs it, for hatred and pain need no escort; they know how to survive without it.” 
― Radhika Mundra